


Love at First Feel

by eledhwenlin



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M, Shaving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-28
Updated: 2011-08-28
Packaged: 2017-10-23 04:28:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/246284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eledhwenlin/pseuds/eledhwenlin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trust-building through shaving is the newest hot thing to do in relationship advice. And then there's porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love at First Feel

**Author's Note:**

> This fic wouldn't exist if it weren't for shihadchick. <333 She made the idea blossom in my mind. Many, many thanks go to ohnoscarlett and cinco for the betas! All remaining errors are my own.
> 
> Fills the sensation play square on my kink_bingo card by way of shaving kink.

The whole thing actually starts out as Brendon's idea. Kind of. It's like Brendon had this idea and then Spencer took it and refined it.

~~~***~~~

Brendon sits down next to Spencer, his expression weirdly serious. "Spencer," he says, "there is something I'd like to talk to you about."

Spencer can't think of any good conversations that started out that way. He puts his game on pause and turns to Brendon. "I'm listening."

Brendon nods. "I had this idea," he says. "And I think it would be really good for us, for building trust and stuff like that."

"Okay," Spencer says, because this could go so many places and Spencer's not sure if he's up to following them all. "Uhm."

"I want to shave your face for you."

That was not one of the possibilities Spencer had considered. He's pretty sure that he's gaping like an idiot, mouth wide open. "You want to ... shave me?"

"Yeah. I mean, it's supposed to show that you trust me and stuff. It's supposed to be good for our relationship."

"Does our relationship need work?" Spencer asks cautiously. This, whatever they end up calling it, is recent enough that Spencer occasionally feels like he's in a dream, but on the other hand they've been building up to it for so long that it seems like they're an old married couple. If there's anything Brendon feels he's missing out on, Spencer's not aware of it.

"Oh," Brendon says. "Oh, no, it's just. I talked to Ash." Spencer withstands the urge to sigh and rub his eyes. He thinks Pete and Ashlee are perfect for each other, but sometimes he'd prefer they meddle less with Spencer's relationship. "And she had read this article in whatever that said that shaving your man’s face deepens your emotional connection and," Brendon waves his hand around, "it's not like I think we need it because we're not connected and shit, but perhaps, I mean." Brendon shrugs. "I guess it would be nice to, uh, do it in a romantic kind of way?"

Spencer blinks. "Brendon," he says.

"I know, I know," Brendon interrupts him, "we're best friends, etc., etc., and I know it's stupid and I'm just being ridiculous and shit, you know what, just forget it and--"

Spencer gently puts his index finger on Brendon's mouth. "If you want it, I'll do it," he says. "Even though I don't think I have to prove that I'm in love with you, baby. But if you want to do that, it's okay."

Brendon smiles. "Thank you," he whispers against Spencer's finger.

"So. Now?" Brendon inclines his head. "Do you need a shave?" He runs his fingers through Spencer's beard.

"I think I do."

"Okay." Brendon squints at Spencer, like he expects him to jump up and say _Surprise! It was just a joke! Get away from me, freak!_ Spencer thinks that maybe they do need to work on their emotional foundation or whatsoever. (Ashlee totally tries to talk him about that, too, but Spencer's way less open to her "good advice" than Brendon. Mostly because her advice makes Spencer groan.) "Okay, then let's go upstairs."

Spencer lets Brendon lead him to the bathroom. Brendon's hand is sweaty, his grip tight.

In the bathroom, Brendon pushes Spencer to sit on the closed toilet lid. "I think it would work best if you sit," he says. "That way I can reach you better. Okay?" Spencer nods.

"So, uh ... do I need to, like, first cut it off some, or?"

"No," Spencer says. "You can start shaving right now."

"Okay," Brendon says. "Okay."

Brendon picks up the shaving cream and Spencer closes his eyes. Brendon tilts his head back and starts spreading the cream on his beard. Spencer jolts at the first touch of the razor. "Don't," Brendon says. His voice sounds thick and dark. "I'll cut you."

Spencer has to grin. "And that would be bad for our trust building."

"Yeah. That would be bad," Brendon says quietly. He puts his other hand on Spencer's jaw, holding his head steady. "You have to relax," he tells Spencer, which is a joke, Spencer thinks, since there's tension showing in Brendon's voice, so he'd do well to take his own advice.

Being shaved by Brendon feels weird. Spencer finds himself tensing and relaxing. Brendon becomes surer in his movements. When he's done and Spencer opens his eyes again, it feels like waking up from a dream. Spencer has to blink against the brightness of the day. Brendon wets a washcloth and gently removes the remaining shaving cream. Spencer feels light-headed, almost dizzy. He thinks he gets the point of this exercise.

"So," Brendon says and looks at him with wide, dark eyes. "So," Spencer replies. He takes Brendon's hand and pulls him onto his lap. "Spencer," Brendon says, but he leans down to kiss Spencer. It feels different from any other kiss they have shared. Spencer's freshly-shaven skin buzzes and Brendon's stubble rasping against it is intense.

"God," Spencer says, "if you knew how this feels." Brendon grins. "Feels good?"

"You have no idea." Brendon puts his hands on Spencer's cheeks. "I've become used to your beard," he says. "I think I'm gonna miss it."

Spencer laughs. "You're glad it's gone," he says. "No more complaining about beard burn."

"You got it in one," Brendon smiles, "saw right through my charade." It's the smile that makes Spencer's insides go all squishy. Spencer has to kiss him now. He's already hard and he contemplates carrying Brendon to their bedroom.

Brendon pouts when Spencer pushes him away. "I thought we were making out here," he says.

"We are," Spencer replies. Brendon giggles,when Spencer hoists him up, and he wraps his legs obediently around Spencer's waist.

"I'm as tall as you now," Brendon whispers into Spencer's ear.

"Think of what we can do with that," Spencer says.

Brendon hums. "I can think of a thing or two."

Brendon is still scrawny, so it's easy to carry him down the hall. It's only a few steps to their bedroom, but it still feels like too many. "There is a wall right there," Spencer says.

"That totally works for me."

Kissing Brendon like this is amazing. Spencer presses Brendon against the wall to hold him up, and they are close from groin to chest. Spencer can feel Brendon's erection against his belly. He wants to stay like this forever, but his knees are weak and he really, really wants to get Brendon naked right now.

"Let's go to bed," Brendon says into the skin behind Spencer's ear, alternatively licking and biting. "Come on."

It's good that their bedroom is only a few feet away because Spencer stumbles more that he walks. He lets Brendon tumble down onto the bed and himself fall down next to Brendon.

Brendon laughs when they bounce up again. "I thought we didn't bounce on beds," he says against Spencer's skin and, god, they were eighteen and stupid and that was the first hotel night they'd had in weeks and the first thing Brendon thought of was to jump onto the bed and bounce. It maybe hadn’t been Spencer's finest hour.

"Maybe we do now," Spencer says and flips them over. Brendon's breathing rapidly and his cheeks are flushed and Spencer loves him so much.

"I love you," Spencer says and Brendon's mouth is wide open, a big silent O, because Spencer's said it before, but never first and if he did it was always after sex.

Brendon crushes their mouths together, not quite on target, and he whispers, "I love you, too, I really, really do," against Spencer's lips. It's easy to let himself sink down, let his body press Brendon into the mattress.

"I really want to fuck you right now," Spencer says and Brendon groans.

"Tease," Brendon says, "just fucking do it already."

Spencer makes a mental note to buy more lube when he pulls the almost empty bottle out of the drawer in their night table. They'd decided to throw the condoms away a few weeks ago, after another of Ashlee's "helpful tips". That one had been about commitment. (Personally, Spencer thinks he shouldn't let Brendon be alone with Ashlee anymore. Not that he's arguing about the phenomenal sex he ends up having with Brendon as a result of the many sex tips Brendon picks up from her magazines, but he thinks Ashlee knows a little bit too much about their relationship. Spencer's a rather private person, but once Brendon trusts you, he tells you everything. On the other hand, perhaps she's on to something because they seem to have some serious communication problems going on here.)

Spencer looks on, fascinated, as he pushes a finger into Brendon. Brendon just gives a little sigh and relaxes, opens himself right up for Spencer, and that will never stop being amazing. He says as much, and Brendon laughs. "Come on," he says, "more." Spencer gives him more. Two fingers become three become four, and Spencer thinks for a minute about fisting Brendon, but that might require a lot more trust and preparation than they've got time for right now. Spencer thinks he might explode if he doesn't get to be inside Brendon soon.

Brendon pulls his legs up as Spencer pulls his fingers out. "Like this," he whispers. "I want to see you." Spencer loves this position, too, how it allows him to be inside Brendon and kiss him, feel his cock brushing against his belly. It's easy to sink into Brendon, letting him take Spencer in all the way. Brendon arches his back, pushing right into Spencer's motion, and sighs contentedly. "I think I could stay like this for hours," he says, and Spencer leans down to brush a kiss against his lips.

"We've done that." It had been the most intense two hours of Spencer's life, just lying in bed with Brendon, thrusting shallowly into him, not enough to get either of them off. They'd touched and kissed and murmured sweet nothings to each other, and by the end of it Spencer's skin had been buzzing so much he'd thought he might be able to fly.

"I know," Brendon smiles. "Wanna do that again."

Spencer thrusts against him. "But not now," he says, and his voice might be the tiniest bit desperate.

Brendon just laughs at him. "No, not now," he agrees. "Tomorrow? Tomorrow morning?"

Spencer kisses him again. "Whenever you want, baby," he says, "whenever you want."

They're both almost there, and as much as Spencer would like to stretch it out, every time Brendon twists his hands in Spencer's hair or rubs his face against Spencer's, he feels electrified. Soon he's pounding into Brendon, whose moans grow louder and louder. "Spence, please, c'mon, now, now, Spence, please, fuck-"

Brendon clenches down on Spencer, his fingers digging tightly into Spencer's shoulders, and he comes wetly against Spencer's stomach. Spencer manages a couple more desperate thrusts before he's coming, too, inside Brendon. Brendon whimpers quietly, his legs tight around Spencer's waist. "I can feel you," he whispers. "I never will forget how that feels."

Spencer lies on top of Brendon, spent and unwilling to move just yet. Brendon once admitted to him that he liked it, liked knowing that Spencer was still inside him. "I know," he tells Brendon.

Spencer has to remember to send Ashlee a fruit basket. Or something.

~~~***~~~

"So," Spencer says two weeks later.

"Hm?" Brendon doesn't even look up from his breakfast. He's eating like he’s been starved for days, which is a blatant lie, Spencer knows, but he still hasn't given up fighting the good fight against Brendon's weird metabolism so that he'll gain at least, like, three pounds and Spencer won't have to worry anymore that Brendon won't make it through the next cold night. ("What does that even mean?" Brendon asked, and Spencer dutifully replied, "You'll freeze to death. Or starve. It's a euphemism, idiot", which then sparked a half-hour argument about what exactly constituted a euphemism and what didn't. Brendon had to begrudgingly admit that he was wrong while blaming Spencer's friendship with Ryan. "Dude, it's not like we talked about English literature when we hung out in high school," Spencer pointed out. "Doesn't matter, you soaked up his knowledge through, I don't know, best friend's osmosis or whatever." Spencer has learned when it's better to give up.)

"I think it's time for me to return the favour," Spencer says. It's been a few days since Brendon shaved him, but every time Spencer shaves himself he superimposes the feelings from when Brendon did it for him, and as far as emotional bonding and trust building is concerned, it actually helped. Or at least Spencer's stomach is full of fluttery butterflies in a way it wasn't before.

"What favour?" Brendon blinks at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you shaved my face for me," Spencer says. "And I guess this is supposed to be a mutual thing, so it's only fair if I shave you."

"Oh," Brendon says, "I just shaved."

"I thought I might shave you ... elsewhere."

"Elsewhere." Brendon repeats it matter of factly, but he frowns. "As in where, exactly?"

Spencer tries to shrug nonchalantly, but fails miserably. He maybe has thought about this a lot, and he thinks the idea is fucking hot and that might be clouding his judgement. He also has no idea what Brendon will think of it.

"Uhm, I figured, well, there aren't that many places I could shave you without it being weird, so..." Spencer gestures at Brendon. "I, ah, was thinking of, you know, your privates."

 _Smooth, Spencer Smith_ , he thinks to himself. Brendon's reply is instant and firm. "No."

"Brendon..."

"No, Spencer, I'm not letting you near my balls with a sharp instrument, _no_." Brendon gets up and puts his bowl into the sink. "I'm going to visit Shane now," he says. "As in, a normal, sane human being. See you later."

The slam of the front door seems final and Spencer sighs. That could have gone way more smoothly, indeed.

~~~***~~~

"Hey," Brendon says when he comes home. Spencer's sitting on the couch, watching a _Hell's Kitchen_ marathon. There's something about Gordon Ramsey that's totally captivating.

"Hey," Spencer replies amiably.

"So Shane laughed at me and Regan bitched me out."

"Hm?" Spencer puts the TV on mute, as Brendon drops onto the couch next to him. He's slightly flushed and gesturing.

"Well, I was upset and Shane asked, so I told him. Shane, by the way, is not my best friend anymore."

"You always say that when he doesn't agree with you," Spencer says cautiously. Brendon never means it.

"I know," Brendon says sadly. "I know."

"And Regan?" Spencer can see Shane laughing at Brendon, remembers uncomfortably how he laughed at Brendon when he’d brought the idea up, but Regan's reaction is way more intriguing.

"Regan is mean." Regan, for the record, is one of the sweetest, best-tempered women Spencer ever has had the good fortune to meet. Brendon sinks down further and hides his face against Spencer's shoulder. Spencer automatically turns to cradle Brendon in his arms and in a matter of seconds they're stretched out on the couch, holding each other close. Spencer can feel Brendon's breath coming hot and damp against his shoulder through the flimsy fabric of his shirt.

"Regan thinks I'm being stupid," Brendon says. "That your suggestion wasn't as insane as I made it out to be."

"Hm," Spencer replies. He totally agrees with Regan, obviously, but telling Brendon that might not be the best strategy. "And?"

Brendon sighs. "She thinks I'm pussying out because I don't trust you. That if I trusted you, it wouldn't matter if you shaved my face or my balls. I totally trust you a lot. I really, really do."

"Why don't you want to do it then?" Spencer asks.

"I'm pussying out because I--I don't know," Brendon replies meekly.

"Brendon..."

"I trust you, I really do," Brendon repeats quietly.

"But not that much," Spencer says.

"Spence. I don't--I do, I mean, it's just. _My balls._ "

Spencer sighs. "Does it matter?" Quietly he adds, "This is about building trust."

Brendon is tense and Spencer rubs his hands along his back. "I'm not mad at you," he tells Brendon. "It's just--you brought up this whole building trust thing." He doesn't add that it's a bit hypocritical of Brendon.

"I know." Brendon sounds lost and small, and Spencer is totally willing to blow the whole thing off. He doesn't want it to be a big deal. He didn't think it would be, because Brendon was the one to voice it first. Spencer just wants Brendon to be happy.

Brendon hoists himself up on his elbows, looks at Spencer's face. "How did it feel?" he asks. "Did it, uhm, change anything?"

"Brendon," Spencer says, and he thinks he is openly showing every last little (or big) feeling he has for Brendon at the moment.

Brendon's eyes go big and wide. "Oh."

"It didn't change anything so much as ... made things clearer," Spencer says.

"Okay, Brendon says. "Okay, I'll do it."

"Bren," Spencer starts, but Brendon puts his hand over his mouth.

"No, I do want to. I--maybe I brought it up because I thought I needed it? I don't know. But I want to do it."

"Okay," Spencer agrees silently. Then he kisses Brendon and whispers against his lips, "And you're still the bravest person I know."

"That's a lie," Brendon replies, as he has done since the first time Spencer told him that. But he is smiling.

~~~***~~~

Spencer has put everything he needs on the night table: disposable razor, lots of shaving cream (for sensitive skin, even!) and a bowl of warm water. Brendon's looking on rather suspiciously. "You sure this won't hurt or anything?" he asks. "I don't wanna end up disfigured because your hand wasn't steady."

Spencer laughs at him. "It's a disposable razor, not a knife. I won't hurt your balls, I promise."

Spencer has spread a towel over the sheets, and Brendon lies down on it gingerly. It takes a bit of rearranging until they're both comfortable. Brendon is nervous and talking a mile a minute about a video Shane showed him. "There was that one segment, I can show you, Shane will totally let me show you, and I had an idea and maybe we can use it for a music video, 'cause that would be cool and--"

Spencer takes Brendon's hand and squeezes it tight. "You know if you really don't want to, you don't have to," he says.

Brendon takes a deep breath and releases it with a loud exhale. "I know, it's just--I kind of feel, I don't know, vulnerable, I guess?"

Spencer runs his hands along Brendon's thighs, rubbing the tight muscles there. "It's okay," he says. "I get it." Brendon relaxes minutely and Spencer presses a kiss against the inside of his knee before he spreads Brendon's legs a little bit further. Brendon's now completely open, his cock and balls on display. Spencer can't NOT look at that.

Spencer carefully spreads shaving cream on Brendon's balls and wets the razor. Brendon takes a shaky breath as Spencer touches the razor to Brendon's skin. Brendon closes his eyes. "This feels weird," he says, his voice shaking a little bit. Spencer silently agrees. He slowly moves his hand, careful not to use too much pressure or hurt Brendon.

After the first few slides of the razor across his skin, Brendon relaxes into it. "Still feel weird?" Spencer asks.

Brendon nods. "It's tickling a bit," he says.

Spencer rubs Brendon's thigh. "But otherwise okay?"

Brendon sighs. "Feels good," he says.

It's actually quick work, Spencer thinks. Within a few minutes he is done with Brendon's balls and has moved on to his cock. Brendon isn't especially hairy, but Spencer stretches the moment by washing out the razor more often than he needs to. It's strangely fascinating to watch the little coarse hairs disappear, stroke by stroke, leaving behind pale white skin.

When he's done, Spencer removes the remaining shaving cream with a wet washcloth. "Done," he says.

"Hmhm," Brendon hums. He runs a hand over his freshly-shaven skin. "Wow. That's pretty smooth." His breathing quickens and he's already hard.

"Yep," Spencer says. He slides his fingers over Brendon's balls. Brendon shudders and their fingers entangle. "I, uh, I think I might see what you meant," Brendon whispers.

"Everything feels more intense, doesn't it?" Spencer really wants to rub his face against Brendon's groin, wants Brendon to feel his beard rubbing against his skin.

"You like it," Spencer says, and doesn't even bother to hide his glee.

Brendon sighs. "Yes, I do. And, for the record, you were right, okay? Now can we move on to the fun part?"

"You mean that wasn't fun?" Spencer jokes. He moves the shaving paraphernalia away and slides the towel out under Brendon's ass. Brendon giggles. He stops short when Spencer licks the head of his cock. Spencer hums quietly while he licks further down. Brendon's not fully hard yet. Spencer wraps his hand around his cock, jacks him slowly.

"Tell me what you liked," Spencer mumbles against Brendon's skin. "How'd it feel?"

Brendon gulps in a quick breath. "Amazing," he gasps, "it was like--I don't know. The razor--and the way you held me down, so I didn't move--fuck, _Spencer_ , just do something."

Spencer grins. "That works for me," he says. Normally he doesn't do much with Brendon's balls except gently rubbing them, but now that his balls are all smooth skin Spencer mouths at them. Brendon groans and puts his hands on Spencer's head.

"Spence, that's--" Spencer sucks in one ball, pushing his tongue gently against the soft skin. Brendon's fingers tighten in Spencer's hair, pulling harshly, but Spencer still grins. "God, that feels amazing," Brendon moans. Spencer lets the ball slip out of his mouth and runs his tongue over the saliva-slick skin. "Hmhm," he says. "I've wanted to do that forever," he admits. Brendon's leaking a little bit and Spencer takes a taste.

Brendon sighs. "God, it feels so..." Spencer rubs his cheek against Brendon's cock, his beard rough against the sensitive skin, and Brendon makes a sound between a squeak and a moan. "Do that again," he demands. Spencer grins and obeys. He is planning to lord this over Brendon for as long as they live. Spencer was so, so right, and Brendon was so, so wrong in doubting him.

Spencer licks at the skin, which is red and a little bit irritated, while Brendon grips his hair painfully tight. "Spence, please, hurry up, please, I need--" Spencer swallows him down and Brendon goes silent with a stifled groan. What he can't take into his mouth, he wraps his hand around. Brendon likes it best this way, and he lets his legs fall wider open.

Spencer runs his other hand along the skin until he reaches Brendon's entrance. Brendon squirms, pushes his cock further into Spencer's mouth, and whines, "Spencer, please."

Spencer grins. He prefers giving lazy, leisurely blow jobs, but it looks like Brendon's not going to last long. He relaxes his jaw and moves his head faster, in counterpoint with his hand. Within a few minutes, Brendon's tightening his fingers in Spencer's hair, and he whispers, "Spencer, I'm gonna--" Spencer licks over the head, and Brendon comes. Spencer swallows. When he pulls off, he thinks he's grinning like that cat that got the cream, and he's not bothering to hide it.

Brendon groans and flops down, his arms and legs spread. "Okay, I admit," he says. "You were right, this was a good idea, now shut up."

Spencer laughs and lies down next to Brendon. "At least you acknowledge my superior genius," he says, but he noses Brendon's cheek, and they kiss. Spencer seriously has the best ideas.  



End file.
